Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
