I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Everclear isn't food dammit
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
