It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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