no, he came in my armpit
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
