So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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