so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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