and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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