Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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