i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
