Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
