i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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