What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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