He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
where are you?
Hypothermia
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
