I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
