Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
