Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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