If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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