Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
