where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The maid of honor just puked.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
