i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize