I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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