Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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