This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
