I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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