I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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