I wish my penis had an off switch
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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