I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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