If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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