Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
