It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
