why didn't you poke me back
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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