He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
