I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
