ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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