So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
