let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
