I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
