just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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