grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
