Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
