and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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