Cold hands, warm shart.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
