can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
