We named our party play list daddy issues
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
