i think i have two assholes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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