If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
