last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize