Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
