so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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