You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There's even glitter on my cock...
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