vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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