Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
