how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
