I can text with my tongue
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
