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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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