Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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