just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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