What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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