you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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