found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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