I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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