Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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