i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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