then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize