My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
